Today is my two year anniversary at my current job. There were no celebrations, no congratulations, no real acknowledgement which, if you know me, I’m thankful for. I struggle with how to respond appropriately when people focus all the attention on me. Don’t get me wrong, I love working for that power and acceptance. I love sinning and manipulating and desiring that all the attention and focusing the world on me but I don’t know what to do with it when it happens.
Two years ago today I was a vastly different person. I think this is true of anyone who has ambition or seeks to live their life. No one wants to be stagnant for two years. Two years ago I thought I was solving all of my problems by switching companies. I was stuck in a job with people that I didn’t respect, who didn’t respect me, staring at the wall without work to be doing and without friends. I had been living in Kansas City for six months and didn’t know anyone. I went to bars and got drunk with some co-workers but we didn’t have conversations, we made fun of people in the room with us. Leading a double life meant I had built up walls that didn’t allow people to get to know me. My life was pretty empty.
I thought that changing the company on my paycheck would solve these issues. I thought the grass was greener on the other side. I thought working for a smaller company in the same line of work (and less pay) would give me more responsibility, authority, and respect. I thought another job would solve my emptiness problem. I thought another job would give me friends.
In God’s graciousness, it did, but not in the way that I was thinking. I do have a little more responsibility at the office. I am working in the field my college degree is in. I make enough money to live on and get to participate in some “extras” in life. I do have friends. My new job introduced me to people God strategically placed in my path at a time when I was so vulnerable. He knew (and continues to know) what I need most. He knew that I needed to start understanding His Grace and Love. and He knew that I wasn’t going to listen if things were going well in my life.
Two years ago tomorrow, I walked into a fall protection training class on my second day of work. I tried to sweet talk my way out of taking the class since I was pretty convinced I should be the one teaching it – I had been working at elevation in a harness for the last 10 months after all (can you say prideful?). We went around the room making introductions and the girl next to me got all excited when I said I went to Texas A&M. So had she. Little did I know then that she would become my friend, confidant, roommate, and introducer back to faith and the church.
For several months she asked me to join her at church. I refused. I had started showing up late and leaving early at various Presbyterian churches in KC but didn’t want to make the commitment. I finally agreed to go one Sunday with her so she would stop asking me. I’ve been at Redeemer Fellowship every Sunday I’ve been in KC since!
Two years ago today I was chasing idols with my career. I was dying, literally, for the job. I was a slave to it. Jesus died on the cross to drain the cup of wrath of all my idol chasing and other sins. God placed people and situations in my life for my good. He chased me from my old company to my new one to provide me with opportunities to get to know Him better. There are still plenty of times (each day) where work still has idol powers for me. I still get frustrated, respond out of hate, boast, gossip, slack off, and don’t focus on God but He is redeeming me to learn how to work like He works, to love how He loves.
My goal two years ago was to create a well known and respected reputation while making lots of money. My goals for the next two years are to show people the love of Christ while working in the oil and gas business. I would like to make a decent living that allows me to love people in Haiti and my local community well and provides opportunities to seek the Kingdom of God. I am blown away by the power and plan God has for me (and everyone). I am so thankful He guided me into making a company switch two years ago. I am looking forward to the next two years!