I’m struggling today (10/22) with re-entering into the American society that I was raised in and only left a week ago.
It’s interesting what will set you off. For me, it was the new toilet paper holders in the bathroom at work.
They are all shiny and chrome and exactly the same as the grey plastic ones they replace (except for the material of construction). It’s probably the shiny-ness that made me realize they are different.
The world is not shiny in Haiti. It is colorful. It is beautiful. It is painted. but mostly it’s grey and well loved. How can my company justify replacing the toilet paper holder when the others are perfectally useable when there are people, children, that are not receiving an opportunity to have an education or worse, are starving to death? How do I sit in my desk at my office, cold from the air conditioning, when there are people in Haiti that need help? When my heart is pulling me back to the monetarially poorest country in the world?
God puts people exactly where He wants them. He has placed me in Kansas City. He has blessed me with a comfy chair and a cubical all to myself. Lord, I am thankful. I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for the heartarche. I am thankful for Haiti.
It helps that the people I went on the trip with have started posting in social media. I get the notifications on my phone. My thoughts turn to when they will be done posting and my life with be completely consumed by my to-do list and work obligations. When they have drifted back into their American-paced existence.
I pray that Haiti would be on my mind everyday for the rest of my life. I pray that I cannot do anything with my life that doesn’t consider God and Haiti. I know that I do not have the ability to remember them as much as I want to. I need God’s help. I am a sinner. because of that fact, yes fact, I will fall short of my desire to focus on the Lord and His will. Lord please help me.
I’ve blogged a tremendous amount since I’ve been in Haiti and will hopefully share some more of those posts in the coming days with you. I am back into the office pace now. I am thankful that it is Friday. and I am thankful for having a hard time adjusting. That sounds silly but as I apologize for being tired, itchy, or slightly-out-of-it to my co-workers, bosses, and vendors, I get to talk about Haiti.
Last time I went, my grandmother passed away while I was in Haiti so homecoming brough black dresses, funeral arrangements, and a 5-day marathon weekend in Georgia that culminated in surgery for my brother. My life swept Haiti under the rug. God has brought it out and hung it above the mantel this time. I don’t have anywhere to hide. and I like it.
“I was wrecked. Since returning home, my whole center of gravity is off – God is recreating who I am. It is clear there’s no going back on this deal. God just keeps pulling you forward and pulling you in.” – “Ruined for the Average” a book by the Global Orphan Project